Everyone feels lucky for having you as a friend.
Oh fortune cookie, how you make me feel so loved!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Oh Mighty Fortune Cookie, Give Us Your Wisdom - Part 2
Here was my fortune cookie message at lunch today:
Oh fortune cookie, how you make me feel so loved!
Oh fortune cookie, how you make me feel so loved!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
A Cornucopia of the Bizarre
Today's post is a veritable cornucopia of random topics and ideas courtesy of the twisted recesses of my brain. Buckle your proverbial seat belts, it may be a bumpy ride.
Transcript from an actual recent conversation at our house
Scene: A lazy Saturday morning--modern-day suburban kitchen. English muffins have been toasted and are about to be consumed. A large spider makes its way across the ceramic tile.
Me: Eek! Look at the size of that spider!
TLS: Yes, he is rather large.
Me: Squish it! Quick, before he goes behind the buffet.
TLS: (rolling eyes and handing me his plate) Can't I just enjoy my muffin without having to kill something around here?
It may not translate well to the written word, but TLS's deadpan, serious delivery of the line about killing something just slayed me. (No pun intended.) I had a serious laugh attack and made him go write down the fateful quote.
Topic Change
Driving in to work yesterday morning, (yes, TLS and I carpool at least two or three days a week - take that Al Gore!) we heard a blurb about a study done by a sociology professor regarding the long-term effects of spanking on children. I'm going to go on record as saying that I was occasionally spanked during my childhood--although I'm pretty sure that it was only once or twice and I'm definitely sure I deserved it. (Interesting side note: The worst punishment I ever received was when I was about 10 or 11. Neither my mom nor I remember what I had done to be punished, but she was trying to determine what would most affect my future behavior. I was really too old to be deterred by a spanking, so no-go on that option. I spent an awful lot of quality fun time alone in my room, so she couldn't send me there. What to do? What to do? And then the light bulb went on over her head. She grounded me from reading (my ultimate favorite pastime then as now). It was horrible! But I did my time in "bookless solitary" and vowed to to transgress no more, I guess it was punishment well given.)
As reported on the radio, a sociologist determined that children that were spanked were more likely to exhibit antisocial behavior later in life--including "risky sexual behavior". (Here's a link to one article about the research, for your reading pleasure.) I'm pretty sure that what they calling spanking and what I call spanking are not quite the same. They've also lumped in hitting and slapping, which to me are two completely different animals, but who I am to say? Anyway, the reason that I'm including this in the ol' blog is to demonstrate how twisted TLS and I really are. Our response to this information was to immediately start framing how people would account for their bad behavior as adults. Case in point, the report directly following the spanking report talked about how a teenager or group of teenagers had set fire to ten cars during the previous night. We looked at each other and said, "Must have been spanked as children." Roger Clemens doing steroids? "Must have been spanked as a child." I think it's officially our new catch phrase. (Watch it sweep the nation...)
Topic Change
I was talking with Youngest last night and ended up telling her a story from a few years ago. The next door neighbors we had at the time owned two dogs. One of the dogs, Ben, would occasionally start some incessant barking in the middle of the night. (The kind of barking that just sounds bored--woof. ... woof ... woof ........... and just when you thought that he was finally done ... woof. Totally irritating.) It was probably about midnight and Ben was doing his thing. Anyone who knows me knows that when I am trying to sleep and being prevented from doing so that I am not a very pleasant person. Whatever you do, don't stand between Inertia Girl and her sleep. I rolled over, punched TLS and said through clenched teeth, "I don't care what you do, just make that barking stop!" Being the loving spouse that he is, TLS got up, got his BB gun and went out the front door in his tightey-whitey underpants. He was merely going to pop Ben with a BB from a safe distance, thereby scaring him into silence. However, things didn't go quite according to plan. Just as TLS rounded the bushes in front of our bedroom windows, he saw headlights coming down the street. He quickly ducked behind the hedges and watched as Johnny Law rolled by in his squad car. In addition to listening to his own pounding heart, he was having visions of the humiliation of being arrested and seeing the headlines from the local paper. "Local Man Arrested at Gunpoint in his Underpants, Story on page 2" He came back, told me the story and said that I'd have to deal with the problem myself or ignore it. Once I stopped laughing, somehow I didn't mind the barking nearly as much anymore.
Transcript from an actual recent conversation at our house
Scene: A lazy Saturday morning--modern-day suburban kitchen. English muffins have been toasted and are about to be consumed. A large spider makes its way across the ceramic tile.
Me: Eek! Look at the size of that spider!
TLS: Yes, he is rather large.
Me: Squish it! Quick, before he goes behind the buffet.
TLS: (rolling eyes and handing me his plate) Can't I just enjoy my muffin without having to kill something around here?
It may not translate well to the written word, but TLS's deadpan, serious delivery of the line about killing something just slayed me. (No pun intended.) I had a serious laugh attack and made him go write down the fateful quote.
Topic Change
Driving in to work yesterday morning, (yes, TLS and I carpool at least two or three days a week - take that Al Gore!) we heard a blurb about a study done by a sociology professor regarding the long-term effects of spanking on children. I'm going to go on record as saying that I was occasionally spanked during my childhood--although I'm pretty sure that it was only once or twice and I'm definitely sure I deserved it. (Interesting side note: The worst punishment I ever received was when I was about 10 or 11. Neither my mom nor I remember what I had done to be punished, but she was trying to determine what would most affect my future behavior. I was really too old to be deterred by a spanking, so no-go on that option. I spent an awful lot of quality fun time alone in my room, so she couldn't send me there. What to do? What to do? And then the light bulb went on over her head. She grounded me from reading (my ultimate favorite pastime then as now). It was horrible! But I did my time in "bookless solitary" and vowed to to transgress no more, I guess it was punishment well given.)
As reported on the radio, a sociologist determined that children that were spanked were more likely to exhibit antisocial behavior later in life--including "risky sexual behavior". (Here's a link to one article about the research, for your reading pleasure.) I'm pretty sure that what they calling spanking and what I call spanking are not quite the same. They've also lumped in hitting and slapping, which to me are two completely different animals, but who I am to say? Anyway, the reason that I'm including this in the ol' blog is to demonstrate how twisted TLS and I really are. Our response to this information was to immediately start framing how people would account for their bad behavior as adults. Case in point, the report directly following the spanking report talked about how a teenager or group of teenagers had set fire to ten cars during the previous night. We looked at each other and said, "Must have been spanked as children." Roger Clemens doing steroids? "Must have been spanked as a child." I think it's officially our new catch phrase. (Watch it sweep the nation...)
Topic Change
I was talking with Youngest last night and ended up telling her a story from a few years ago. The next door neighbors we had at the time owned two dogs. One of the dogs, Ben, would occasionally start some incessant barking in the middle of the night. (The kind of barking that just sounds bored--woof. ... woof ... woof ........... and just when you thought that he was finally done ... woof. Totally irritating.) It was probably about midnight and Ben was doing his thing. Anyone who knows me knows that when I am trying to sleep and being prevented from doing so that I am not a very pleasant person. Whatever you do, don't stand between Inertia Girl and her sleep. I rolled over, punched TLS and said through clenched teeth, "I don't care what you do, just make that barking stop!" Being the loving spouse that he is, TLS got up, got his BB gun and went out the front door in his tightey-whitey underpants. He was merely going to pop Ben with a BB from a safe distance, thereby scaring him into silence. However, things didn't go quite according to plan. Just as TLS rounded the bushes in front of our bedroom windows, he saw headlights coming down the street. He quickly ducked behind the hedges and watched as Johnny Law rolled by in his squad car. In addition to listening to his own pounding heart, he was having visions of the humiliation of being arrested and seeing the headlines from the local paper. "Local Man Arrested at Gunpoint in his Underpants, Story on page 2" He came back, told me the story and said that I'd have to deal with the problem myself or ignore it. Once I stopped laughing, somehow I didn't mind the barking nearly as much anymore.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Not Just For Toddlers Anymore
It arrived this week, right on schedule: the dreaded yearly ear infection. (Ear infections--they aren't just for toddlers anymore.) I woke up on Tuesday feeling like my left ear was going to explode. I dragged myself to work because I was responsible for the logistics of a training session on Thursday and there was still work much to be done. (Yikes!)
On Tuesday afternoon, after a quick trip to the doctor, ("Yup, that's infected. Did you know you were in here last year at the same time about the same ear?"), the boss lady telling me to go home and go to bed ("You look awful!"), the intermidable wait at the pharmacy for my Z-Pak antibiotics (Can someone explain why it takes 45 minutes to fill a prescription?), a two hour nap (under the electric blanket), an evening on the couch like a big ol' potato (or maybe a pear--or a stalk of asparagus), and going back to bed about 8:00 p.m., I was able to face going to work on Wednesday.
Wednesday afternoon entailed having the facilitators coming in for the next day's training, which really meant getting a call from reception every 15 minutes to go fetch another one, getting them to the appointed conference room, making sure everyone was at least temporarily happy, and then back to the desk to start the process all over again.
Thursday started bright and early here at the office at 7 a.m. You might think that actually getting the session underway and sitting in on it as a participant would end the work, but you'd be wrong, wrong, wrong. ("Can we get someone to turn on the microphone?" and Inertia Girl goes off to find the facilities guy. "We're cold," and I.G. goes to find maintenance to change the temperature. "When is lunch arriving?" Well, you get the picture.) My day didn't end until the last of the ones flying out were in a cab on the way to the airport about 5:30 p.m. TLS called about 5 and asked if I was done with everything. When I said that I still had to get one to a cab, he asked if I was going to carry them down on my back. A good question, TLS, a good question indeed.
I don't want to give anyone the idea that I don't like my job or that I minded doing the things that are included in it, but adding in sickness to the equation almost sent me over the edge. (Oh, but everything went off without a hitch, so all the anal-retentive planning does come in handy sometimes.)
I am glad to be back posting again. Hopefully, you all are too!
On Tuesday afternoon, after a quick trip to the doctor, ("Yup, that's infected. Did you know you were in here last year at the same time about the same ear?"), the boss lady telling me to go home and go to bed ("You look awful!"), the intermidable wait at the pharmacy for my Z-Pak antibiotics (Can someone explain why it takes 45 minutes to fill a prescription?), a two hour nap (under the electric blanket), an evening on the couch like a big ol' potato (or maybe a pear--or a stalk of asparagus), and going back to bed about 8:00 p.m., I was able to face going to work on Wednesday.
Wednesday afternoon entailed having the facilitators coming in for the next day's training, which really meant getting a call from reception every 15 minutes to go fetch another one, getting them to the appointed conference room, making sure everyone was at least temporarily happy, and then back to the desk to start the process all over again.
Thursday started bright and early here at the office at 7 a.m. You might think that actually getting the session underway and sitting in on it as a participant would end the work, but you'd be wrong, wrong, wrong. ("Can we get someone to turn on the microphone?" and Inertia Girl goes off to find the facilities guy. "We're cold," and I.G. goes to find maintenance to change the temperature. "When is lunch arriving?" Well, you get the picture.) My day didn't end until the last of the ones flying out were in a cab on the way to the airport about 5:30 p.m. TLS called about 5 and asked if I was done with everything. When I said that I still had to get one to a cab, he asked if I was going to carry them down on my back. A good question, TLS, a good question indeed.
I don't want to give anyone the idea that I don't like my job or that I minded doing the things that are included in it, but adding in sickness to the equation almost sent me over the edge. (Oh, but everything went off without a hitch, so all the anal-retentive planning does come in handy sometimes.)
I am glad to be back posting again. Hopefully, you all are too!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Cryptic Messages From My Former Self
In keeping with my anal-retentiveness, I live and die at work by my Franklin Planner. If a to-do isn't in my daily task list, then it probably isn't getting done. If you're not familiar with the concept of the Franklin Planner, it has two pages per weekday. The left side consists of a daily task list and an appointment schedule and the right side is blank with lines, which I use to journal conversations and notes during the day. When I have a task that doesn't need to be done that day, I'll put it on the appropriate day's task list so I won't forget. At some point within the last couple of weeks, I wrote a task on today's page; however, when I looked at the list yesterday afternoon to prepare myself for today, I was confronted with a cryptic message, apparently from a former incarnation of me. Don't get me wrong, it was in English (and in my handwriting) and legible, but I have no idea what it means. None. So if "look for CBK slides" means anything to you, let me know. Otherwise, I'm just hoping that not doing something related to it won't ultimately bite me in the behind.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day, TLS. This post's for you.
As mentioned in the title, this post is an open letter to my dear, sweet husband. Feel free to read along, although groaning and/or eye-rolling will neither be allowed nor tolerated. If you don't like my sappy, emotional sentiments, go and surf some CNN. (This means you, too, TLS! - ha!)
Happy Valentine's Day, TLS. Who knew all those many years ago that a shared sense of the absurd and a love for all things sci-fi would be the foundation of a beautiful long-term relationship? (Almost seventeen years and counting.) While your movie star good looks might have been what initially attracted me, your intelligence, wit, kindness and depth of spirit, and generosity are what made me stay. Oh, and the good looks haven't been a hindrance there, either. (rawr!)
Thank you for who you are and the things you do for me. I can't imagine that scooping kitty litter was ever in your ultimate Bucket List, but you do it just the same. You keep the cars running and the yard mowed. You indulge my decorating whims and take out the trash. You make me laugh on a daily basis. You are a friend and a soul-mate--someone who has shared good times and bad.
When we were standing at the altar, repeating the vows "in sickness and in health...", the sickness seemed to be so far away as to be impossible, but somehow it found us. Often tough times push couples apart, be somehow we managed to come closer. I have a feeling that our use of humor and contant laughter has had something to do with it. And even if my theory is complete and utter malarky, at least we've had fun laughing at our own foibles. (And the strange, strange ways of the world.)
I simply cannot imagine my life without you. Wherever I would have ended up and whoever I turned out to be, wouldn't have been nearly as good or as much fun.
I love you, husband. Here's to many more years together.
Happy Valentine's Day, TLS. Who knew all those many years ago that a shared sense of the absurd and a love for all things sci-fi would be the foundation of a beautiful long-term relationship? (Almost seventeen years and counting.) While your movie star good looks might have been what initially attracted me, your intelligence, wit, kindness and depth of spirit, and generosity are what made me stay. Oh, and the good looks haven't been a hindrance there, either. (rawr!)
Thank you for who you are and the things you do for me. I can't imagine that scooping kitty litter was ever in your ultimate Bucket List, but you do it just the same. You keep the cars running and the yard mowed. You indulge my decorating whims and take out the trash. You make me laugh on a daily basis. You are a friend and a soul-mate--someone who has shared good times and bad.
When we were standing at the altar, repeating the vows "in sickness and in health...", the sickness seemed to be so far away as to be impossible, but somehow it found us. Often tough times push couples apart, be somehow we managed to come closer. I have a feeling that our use of humor and contant laughter has had something to do with it. And even if my theory is complete and utter malarky, at least we've had fun laughing at our own foibles. (And the strange, strange ways of the world.)
I simply cannot imagine my life without you. Wherever I would have ended up and whoever I turned out to be, wouldn't have been nearly as good or as much fun.
I love you, husband. Here's to many more years together.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Move Over, Barry White...
In honor of Valentine's Day, I've put together a list of songs by some of my favorite sexy, sultry women artists. Feel free to use this playlist during a late night rendezvous with your sweetie:
Norah Jones Turn Me On
Sade No Ordinary Love
Corinne Bailey Rae Like a Star
Alanis Morissette One
Jem Save Me
Sarah McLachlan Plenty
Sia Breathe Me
Sybarite Runaway
Skye What's Wrong With Me?
Imogen Heap I Am In Love With You
Radio Citizen The Hop
Moloko Fun for Me
Gemma Hayes 4:35 a.m.
Frou Frou Let Go
Sarah McLachlan Circle
Jem Come On Closer
Anna Nalick Bleed
Claire Bradley Hallelujah
Poe Hey Pretty
Frou Frou Holding Out for a Hero
Norah Jones Turn Me On
Sade No Ordinary Love
Corinne Bailey Rae Like a Star
Alanis Morissette One
Jem Save Me
Sarah McLachlan Plenty
Sia Breathe Me
Sybarite Runaway
Skye What's Wrong With Me?
Imogen Heap I Am In Love With You
Radio Citizen The Hop
Moloko Fun for Me
Gemma Hayes 4:35 a.m.
Frou Frou Let Go
Sarah McLachlan Circle
Jem Come On Closer
Anna Nalick Bleed
Claire Bradley Hallelujah
Poe Hey Pretty
Frou Frou Holding Out for a Hero
Monday, February 11, 2008
50 Odd Things About Me
I'm pretty sure everyone has gotten an email with a list of crazy questions that a friend has answered that asks you to do the same. I thought I'd use the one my friend Pam sent me as fodder for a blog post. (Sneaky, sneaky me.) Her only answer to #25 was my name. Turns out she was right!
1. Do you like bleu cheese? You bet your sweet bippie. I love it.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No way. Never even smoked a cigarette
3. Do you own a gun? Yes.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? Cherry
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not unless there is a biopsy involved.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Had one yesterday topped with home made pico de gallo. Yum.
7. Favorite christmas song? Oh Holy Night. (That "fall on your knees" part gets me every time.)
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water, although lately I've been drinking decaffeinated English Breakfast tea.
9. Can you do push ups? Not really
10. What do you order at Starbucks? I never go there. (gasp!)
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring
12. Favorite hobby? Reading. (Or should I say blogging? Or reading blogs?)
13. How do you eat your eggs? Over easy
14. Do you have A.D.D.? No
15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? Procrastination
16. Middle name? Erin
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. "I'm pretty sure I'm boring the pants off everyone reading this." "I still can't decide if I like the skirt I'm wearing today." "Do I HAVE another thought?"
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Decaffeinated English Breakfast tea, and uh, water.
20. Current worry right now? What am I getting my sister-in-law for her birthday this week
21. Current hate right now? Politics. Wake me up for the general election.
22. Favorite place to be? Grizzly Lake, Colorado
23. How did you bring in the New Year? Comatose. See this post for details.
24. Where would you like to go? Scotland, Ireland, Iceland, Patagonia (Southern Argentina)
25. Name three people who will complete this: Not applicable, since I'm not sending it out via email...
26. Do you own slippers ? Yes. Do I wear them? No.
27. What shirt are you wearing? Red, Anne Taylor LOFT, scoop neck sweater
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Can't say as I ever have, but they don't sound very comfortable.
29. Can you whistle? Yes
30. Favorite color?(s) Blue.... no, yellow...aughhh! (I know probably only 4 people got that obscure reference). Blue.
31. Would you be a pirate? No. Swashbuckling, I ain't.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever song/jingle is running through my head at the moment. "Look for the big yellow truck..."
33. Favorite girl's name? Sophie Quinn
34. Favorite boy's name? Harper Sean
35. What's in your pocket right now? No pockets, but if I were wearing jeans, there would probably be some random receipt I've stuck in my back pocket.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? TLS. He cracks me up.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Noah's ark.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Cracked the top of my humerous while falling off a rope swing in a friend's back yard in the 7th grade.
39. Do you love where you live? Yes, aside from the bad roads and the crazy red-neck neighbors across the side street
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4, including the one in the garage that TLS watches when he's working out there.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Matt W.
42. How many dogs do you have? Three. Do you want one?
43. Who do you hope has a crush on you? TLS
44. What are you getting your valentine this year? Probably a card. We've turned into the couple that doesn't buy each other gifts, which seems to work well for us.
45. What is your favorite book? Oh, good grief. That is seriously like asking a mother which child is her favorite. I am fairly partial to Ann Patchett's Bel Canto. Check it out.
46. What is your favorite candy? Before I stopped eating chocolate, it was probably Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, since then it's Starburst.
47. Favorite Sports Team? Dallas Cowboys
48. What song do you want played at your Funeral? I think in lieu of music, that I'd just like people to tell funny stories about me and laugh.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Having a nightmare about living in a haunted house. It featured a rocking chair that was rocking on its own and it was seriously creepy.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? "Thank God that dream wasn't real."
1. Do you like bleu cheese? You bet your sweet bippie. I love it.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No way. Never even smoked a cigarette
3. Do you own a gun? Yes.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? Cherry
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not unless there is a biopsy involved.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Had one yesterday topped with home made pico de gallo. Yum.
7. Favorite christmas song? Oh Holy Night. (That "fall on your knees" part gets me every time.)
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water, although lately I've been drinking decaffeinated English Breakfast tea.
9. Can you do push ups? Not really
10. What do you order at Starbucks? I never go there. (gasp!)
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring
12. Favorite hobby? Reading. (Or should I say blogging? Or reading blogs?)
13. How do you eat your eggs? Over easy
14. Do you have A.D.D.? No
15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? Procrastination
16. Middle name? Erin
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. "I'm pretty sure I'm boring the pants off everyone reading this." "I still can't decide if I like the skirt I'm wearing today." "Do I HAVE another thought?"
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Decaffeinated English Breakfast tea, and uh, water.
20. Current worry right now? What am I getting my sister-in-law for her birthday this week
21. Current hate right now? Politics. Wake me up for the general election.
22. Favorite place to be? Grizzly Lake, Colorado
23. How did you bring in the New Year? Comatose. See this post for details.
24. Where would you like to go? Scotland, Ireland, Iceland, Patagonia (Southern Argentina)
25. Name three people who will complete this: Not applicable, since I'm not sending it out via email...
26. Do you own slippers ? Yes. Do I wear them? No.
27. What shirt are you wearing? Red, Anne Taylor LOFT, scoop neck sweater
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Can't say as I ever have, but they don't sound very comfortable.
29. Can you whistle? Yes
30. Favorite color?(s) Blue.... no, yellow...aughhh! (I know probably only 4 people got that obscure reference). Blue.
31. Would you be a pirate? No. Swashbuckling, I ain't.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever song/jingle is running through my head at the moment. "Look for the big yellow truck..."
33. Favorite girl's name? Sophie Quinn
34. Favorite boy's name? Harper Sean
35. What's in your pocket right now? No pockets, but if I were wearing jeans, there would probably be some random receipt I've stuck in my back pocket.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? TLS. He cracks me up.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Noah's ark.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Cracked the top of my humerous while falling off a rope swing in a friend's back yard in the 7th grade.
39. Do you love where you live? Yes, aside from the bad roads and the crazy red-neck neighbors across the side street
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4, including the one in the garage that TLS watches when he's working out there.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Matt W.
42. How many dogs do you have? Three. Do you want one?
43. Who do you hope has a crush on you? TLS
44. What are you getting your valentine this year? Probably a card. We've turned into the couple that doesn't buy each other gifts, which seems to work well for us.
45. What is your favorite book? Oh, good grief. That is seriously like asking a mother which child is her favorite. I am fairly partial to Ann Patchett's Bel Canto. Check it out.
46. What is your favorite candy? Before I stopped eating chocolate, it was probably Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, since then it's Starburst.
47. Favorite Sports Team? Dallas Cowboys
48. What song do you want played at your Funeral? I think in lieu of music, that I'd just like people to tell funny stories about me and laugh.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Having a nightmare about living in a haunted house. It featured a rocking chair that was rocking on its own and it was seriously creepy.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? "Thank God that dream wasn't real."
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Geek Alert!
I was checking the programs scheduled to record on our DVR last night and saw that The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show starts next Monday, February 11th at 7 p.m. Central Time on USA. For the uninitiated, this is the premier dog show in the U.S. and goes on for two nights. You get to see each dog judged and for the nerdy dog lover (count me in!), it is the highlight of the year. I'm really not doing it justice, but take my word for it, it's cool. Whatever you do, though, don't call me next Monday or Tuesday night; I'll be on my couch rooting for the Rhodesian Ridgeback to win Best in Show.
Excuse me, do you know that you look like X?
Do you ever play the party game of trying to identify what celebrity you look most like? TLS is a dead-ringer for an actor, Matt McCoy. While Mr. McCoy doesn't have instant name recognition, you've probably seen him in something over the years. (He was the father in The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, played Lloyd Braun on the TV show Seinfeld, and for other sci-fi geeks like me, was Devonini Ral on Star Trek: The Next Generation.) Here's a link to Matt McCoy's picture.
TLS once had a complete stranger in a mall stop him and ask if he was "that guy. that guy from Star Trek" so it isn't just me that thinks he resembles Matt McCoy.
I've had people tell me I look like Meg Ryan, a young Susan Sarandon (whew! I'm glad they put the young in there!), and just a few weeks ago, Sarah Polley, who is a famous actress in Canada. I'm not sure what those three women have in common physically, but it must be that elusive "Inertia Girl" quality.
TLS once had a complete stranger in a mall stop him and ask if he was "that guy. that guy from Star Trek" so it isn't just me that thinks he resembles Matt McCoy.
I've had people tell me I look like Meg Ryan, a young Susan Sarandon (whew! I'm glad they put the young in there!), and just a few weeks ago, Sarah Polley, who is a famous actress in Canada. I'm not sure what those three women have in common physically, but it must be that elusive "Inertia Girl" quality.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Goofy Grin? Check!
As detailed in this post, I went to read to the preschool kids again today. I was greeted, as usual, by "Hello Miss!" and many excited questions about what books I was going to read. I had been warned by one of the teachers that the kids were having a hard week, since one of the teachers had left and they were trying to get used to her replacement. They did seem to be a little less attentive than usual, but as a whole three year olds aren't known for their attention spans anyway, so it was pretty much business as usual--talking over those kids who were doing everything except listening. But by the time I read the last book, Green Eggs and Ham, everyone was following along. When I told them I had to go, but that I'd be back soon, everyone rushed me for one gigantic group hug. The closest little girl latched on to me and held on for dear life. I had to peel little arms and legs off of me to get out of the room. It was a sight so absolutely, adorably cute that I still have a goofy grin on my face.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Word of the Day is: Subtle
I'm sorry for the lack of posts this week. Work has been--well--work, with much freaking out and technological problems and generally too much to do and not enough time to do it. Hence the lack of blogitude.
TLS and I are planning on finishing up the kitchen project today. You might remember it from this post. What I didn't tell you guys was that when we stripped all the wallpaper off the kitchen walls we discovered that, while we knew several years ago that we had a termite problem in another part of the house, we didn't realize that they little buggers were apparently eating away at one of the kitchen walls. TLS took the drywall off that wall and luckily, they hadn't done any real structural damage, but now we had a wall down to the studs (in winter -- hooray!) that had to be re-sheetrocked, sealed, coated with primer and painted. Today is painting day.
I have picked a shade of blue that is extremely similar (dare I say the same?) as the color of the wallpaper we took down. Here is another little-known Inertia Girl fact: I don't like change very much. Several years ago, I decided that I needed to color my medium brown hair BUT I didn't want to go too far away from my natural color, so I stressed to my stylist that I wanted the change to be subtle. Two hours and about fifty bucks later, I had a color that was virtually indistinguishable from my prior one. At least I learned to just be happy (or relatively happy) with what I already have.
It's so good to be me. HA!
TLS and I are planning on finishing up the kitchen project today. You might remember it from this post. What I didn't tell you guys was that when we stripped all the wallpaper off the kitchen walls we discovered that, while we knew several years ago that we had a termite problem in another part of the house, we didn't realize that they little buggers were apparently eating away at one of the kitchen walls. TLS took the drywall off that wall and luckily, they hadn't done any real structural damage, but now we had a wall down to the studs (in winter -- hooray!) that had to be re-sheetrocked, sealed, coated with primer and painted. Today is painting day.
I have picked a shade of blue that is extremely similar (dare I say the same?) as the color of the wallpaper we took down. Here is another little-known Inertia Girl fact: I don't like change very much. Several years ago, I decided that I needed to color my medium brown hair BUT I didn't want to go too far away from my natural color, so I stressed to my stylist that I wanted the change to be subtle. Two hours and about fifty bucks later, I had a color that was virtually indistinguishable from my prior one. At least I learned to just be happy (or relatively happy) with what I already have.
It's so good to be me. HA!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Baby, It's Windy Outside
The Dallas area is on its second day of a Red Flag Warning due to high winds. Yesterday, the sustained winds were in the 40 mph range with gusts up to 60 mph. I work in a high rise office building on the 19th floor and you could hear the building creaking and once I swear I actually felt the building sway. I've found that it is best in those situations to remind yourself that is a good thing that the building moves with the wind; if it didn't, it could fall down due to the stresses.
When I was going on the second or third hour of hearing the creaking and groaning, I found what helped most was pretending that those sounds were actually occurring because I was on a wooden sailboat in the Caribbean--drinking a fruity rum drink, listening to some party music and getting a tan. (I never said I wasn't weird!)
No need as of yet to picture the blue water and puffy white clouds of the sea, but the day is still young. Wherever you are, try to stay warm, dry and out of the wind.
When I was going on the second or third hour of hearing the creaking and groaning, I found what helped most was pretending that those sounds were actually occurring because I was on a wooden sailboat in the Caribbean--drinking a fruity rum drink, listening to some party music and getting a tan. (I never said I wasn't weird!)
No need as of yet to picture the blue water and puffy white clouds of the sea, but the day is still young. Wherever you are, try to stay warm, dry and out of the wind.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Welcome to Our Neighbors to the North
I don't know how many of you have noticed, but I have Sitemeter enabled at the bottom of the sidebar. It lets me see how many people have "hit" the blog each day. It doesn't give me specific information on who they are, but does give the ISP (Internet Service Provider) and city of each reader. Yesterday, I had my first extra-US visitor. Someone from Ontario, Canada Googled Inertia Girl and ended up on my blog. Since they didn't stay more than a second, I'm guessing that I wasn't the Inertia Girl they were looking for. But I'm not going to let that keep me from saying that I have a Canadian audience. Big time, here I come!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Brrrrrrr!
Greetings, blog readers! This message is coming to you from Cleveland, Ohio.
I walked the three blocks from my hotel to the office this morning and the thermometer on the Huntington Building said a whopping 13 degrees. I almost took a picture of it with my cell phone, but figured that I might look more than a little insane (or have someone turn me in as a possible terrorist). I did take a couple of pictures from my hotel room window last night and if I can figure out how to get them from my phone to the blog, I'll post them for everyone to enjoy.
Things I could see from my hotel room:
I really like the "oldness" of the buildings downtown here. It's so much less sterile than the glass and metal buildings of downtown Dallas. TLS said that if I wanted to move here, I was on my own, so I guess that isn't in the cards!
I walked the three blocks from my hotel to the office this morning and the thermometer on the Huntington Building said a whopping 13 degrees. I almost took a picture of it with my cell phone, but figured that I might look more than a little insane (or have someone turn me in as a possible terrorist). I did take a couple of pictures from my hotel room window last night and if I can figure out how to get them from my phone to the blog, I'll post them for everyone to enjoy.
Things I could see from my hotel room:
- The Cleveland Public Library (be still my heart!)
- Cleveland Browns Stadium
- Lake Erie
I really like the "oldness" of the buildings downtown here. It's so much less sterile than the glass and metal buildings of downtown Dallas. TLS said that if I wanted to move here, I was on my own, so I guess that isn't in the cards!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The State Nut
Listening to the radio this morning coming in to work, the DJs were talking about this being National Pie Day and commenting that Texas does not have a state dessert. They were also soliciting for suggestions. Here is a transcript of our conversation:
Me: (to the radio) Pecan pie, since the pecan is the state nut.
TLS: (Looks at me funny)
Me: It is! Google it.
TLS: I was going to say that YOU were the state nut.
Well, in the interest of providing accurate information, it turns out that Texas does not have a state nut, but that the pecan is the state tree. So it turns out that I could still be the official state nut. I wonder how I go about suggesting that.
P.S. Interesting fact (if you're me, apparently), I learned that Texas has its own tartan, the Texas Bluebonnet Tartan.
Me: (to the radio) Pecan pie, since the pecan is the state nut.
TLS: (Looks at me funny)
Me: It is! Google it.
TLS: I was going to say that YOU were the state nut.
Well, in the interest of providing accurate information, it turns out that Texas does not have a state nut, but that the pecan is the state tree. So it turns out that I could still be the official state nut. I wonder how I go about suggesting that.
P.S. Interesting fact (if you're me, apparently), I learned that Texas has its own tartan, the Texas Bluebonnet Tartan.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
What Infertile People Want You to Know: A Primer
Well, I guess it might be a little presumptuous to speak for all infertile people everywhere, so the statements that follow are simply my opinion. (And you know what they say about opinions and a**holes? Everyone's got one.)
1. It is always permissible (and expected) when meeting someone for the first time to ask whether or not they have children. It is one of the questions that we all know is coming so the forward thinking among us have prepared a stock answer. I choose to go with a little soothing humor to balance the sting of the negative.
New Co-worker/Acquaintance/Person Off the Street: So do you have any kids?
Me: No, just the furry four-legged kind.
2. Please do not then ask about future plans to have children. This puts the askee in a weird situation. She is forced to, either, lie:
New C/A/POTS: So are you ever planning on having any?
Infertile Myrtle: (With a nonchalant wave of her hand) Oh, sure, one of these days. (As if it was as easy as picking up a ham at the store, which I suppose, for some people, it is.)
Or use brutal honesty:
New C/A/POTS: So are you ever planning on having any?
Infertile Myrtle: No, since it seems that my ovaries have shriveled into hunks of useless tissue. I know this because I've spent tens of thousands of dollars in medical intervention and medication and have been stuck more times than a pincushion. But, really, thanks for reminding me that I can't accomplish what a sixteen year old in the back of her boyfriend's Chevy seems unable to avoid.
Or play a little verbal game I like to call "Truth-telling without Full-Disclosure"
New C/A/POTS: So are you ever planning on having any?
Infertile Myrtle: No. We tried for many years without success.
This strategy (along with the Full-Disclosure, also known as Verbal Diarrhea) often leads to point number three.
1. It is always permissible (and expected) when meeting someone for the first time to ask whether or not they have children. It is one of the questions that we all know is coming so the forward thinking among us have prepared a stock answer. I choose to go with a little soothing humor to balance the sting of the negative.
New Co-worker/Acquaintance/Person Off the Street: So do you have any kids?
Me: No, just the furry four-legged kind.
2. Please do not then ask about future plans to have children. This puts the askee in a weird situation. She is forced to, either, lie:
New C/A/POTS: So are you ever planning on having any?
Infertile Myrtle: (With a nonchalant wave of her hand) Oh, sure, one of these days. (As if it was as easy as picking up a ham at the store, which I suppose, for some people, it is.)
Or use brutal honesty:
New C/A/POTS: So are you ever planning on having any?
Infertile Myrtle: No, since it seems that my ovaries have shriveled into hunks of useless tissue. I know this because I've spent tens of thousands of dollars in medical intervention and medication and have been stuck more times than a pincushion. But, really, thanks for reminding me that I can't accomplish what a sixteen year old in the back of her boyfriend's Chevy seems unable to avoid.
Or play a little verbal game I like to call "Truth-telling without Full-Disclosure"
New C/A/POTS: So are you ever planning on having any?
Infertile Myrtle: No. We tried for many years without success.
This strategy (along with the Full-Disclosure, also known as Verbal Diarrhea) often leads to point number three.
3. Please do not then ask if she and her partner have considered adoption. The answer to that question is always yes. Unless you've been hanging out on the planet Voltron, you know that adoption is an option available to you.
When someone asks that of me, I immediately feel defensive; because, while we made a reasoned consideration of adoption, ultimately we decided it wasn't the right choice for us. And I feel like I have to provide (and more importantly, defend) all the reasons why it wasn't our decision. In my experience, people will try and talk you into adoption--almost as if they are getting some kind of commission off the deal. I don't mean to imply that I think of adoption in anything other than a positive light. It is a wonderful institution and the people that go through it are some of the most unselfish people on the planet. It just isn't in the cards for us. Someday I may write an entry about what led us to our decision, but until then know that, yes, we have considered it and moved on. I guess I should feel honored that others think well enough of us that they feel we need to have a child no matter what. But mostly when people ask the adoption question, my eye just starts to twitch.
4. Let the infertile person guide your conversation. If you get a monosyllabic answer to a question you've asked, it might be time to find another topic of conversation. I'm probably in the minority of people when it comes to sharing personal things. (Exhibit A: this blog) I'll tell people most anything they want to know about the process of fertility treatment along with my thoughts and feelings, but most people are much more circumspect.
5. If the person you're talking to asks for doctor recommendations or your knowledge of adoption, by all means, give them everything you know. But if they don't ask for advice or help, my suggestion to you is not to bring out the story of your brother-in-law's cousin's plumber's wife's use of ancient Navajo ritual in order to conceive. And please do not ever utter the phrase, "Oh, you've just got to relax." If relaxing is all it takes, we'd have been able to field a baseball team with our own passel of children.
In a moment of crystal clarity during the IVF time, I formulated what I call The Green Bean Casserole Theory in order to cope with (unwittingly) insensitive questions or comments. (Case in point, the person who said to me that "God just thinks you're not ready to have children." My immediate thought was, "Oh, and God thinks that child abusers and molesters are ready, but not us?! Huh!") I finally realized that nothing was ever said to me with malice--some insentivity, yes, but not with any intended cruelty. So really, it's very much like when you have a family member die and everyone wants to do something but doesn't really know what to do. So they show up at your doorstep with green bean casserole. Now, they may not know that you hate green bean casserole, or that you're allergic to the little toasted onion things on top of it, or that you already have three of them in the Frigidaire. But you don't tell them any of those things; instead, you just smile, thank them, and put the Pyrex dish into the fridge. So it was with comments that stung. I would try to simply smile (while mentally chanting: green bean casserole...green bean casserole) and remember that it was only because they cared about me and were trying desperately to find something to say.
I don't want to scare anyone away from talking to people experiencing infertility. We're just people like everyone else and most of the time we just want to make some conversation without having to pull out our whole sordid medical record.
You can never go wrong with saying, "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what this must be like for you." I promise, the next infertile person you meet will thank you.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ode to the Ladies of Bookclub
I was at my monthly bookclub meeting Tuesday night. TLS likes to call it "bookclub," complete with the air quotes, since he refuses to believe that all we do is discuss books. I'm pretty sure he's convinced that there is some secret cauldron stirring or Le Bare's dancers or money changing hands, but wine-drinking is about as wild as it gets.
Our book for January was Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert and it was a big hit. There were times that all of us were talking at the same time, which, to my knowledge has never happened in the eight years or so that I've been a member.
The book has a very "everyone is connected to everyone else" vibe so it was natural that our conversation eventually came around to the bonds between the members of our group. While we may differ in our ages, marital status, religion, or age or existence of children, I've grown to realize that we've formed a family of sorts. Over the years, we've seen our fellow bookclubbers have babies, change jobs, get divorced, lose family members, experience the empty nest, get promoted, and all the other triumphs and tribulations of normal life. Our breadth of experience almost guarantees that someone else has been where you are today and can provide advice. And even if they can't "know" how you're feeling because of personal experience, the ladies can all empathize and at the very least provide a shoulder to cry on or a cheering section when you've conquered the world.
On a personal level, when I was going through all my infertility nonsense, I would share my disappointments and in return I always received validation that I was remembered, cared about, and supported. While most of us don't communicate on a daily or weekly basis with everyone in the group, we know that come the third Tuesday of the month, our friends and cohorts will be there to laugh or cry with us. What a beautiful gift that is and I suspect one that not everyone has the privilege to receive. So, in some small way, this is a thank you for the friendship I've been given and a pledge to continue the circle of support.
Our book for January was Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert and it was a big hit. There were times that all of us were talking at the same time, which, to my knowledge has never happened in the eight years or so that I've been a member.
The book has a very "everyone is connected to everyone else" vibe so it was natural that our conversation eventually came around to the bonds between the members of our group. While we may differ in our ages, marital status, religion, or age or existence of children, I've grown to realize that we've formed a family of sorts. Over the years, we've seen our fellow bookclubbers have babies, change jobs, get divorced, lose family members, experience the empty nest, get promoted, and all the other triumphs and tribulations of normal life. Our breadth of experience almost guarantees that someone else has been where you are today and can provide advice. And even if they can't "know" how you're feeling because of personal experience, the ladies can all empathize and at the very least provide a shoulder to cry on or a cheering section when you've conquered the world.
On a personal level, when I was going through all my infertility nonsense, I would share my disappointments and in return I always received validation that I was remembered, cared about, and supported. While most of us don't communicate on a daily or weekly basis with everyone in the group, we know that come the third Tuesday of the month, our friends and cohorts will be there to laugh or cry with us. What a beautiful gift that is and I suspect one that not everyone has the privilege to receive. So, in some small way, this is a thank you for the friendship I've been given and a pledge to continue the circle of support.
You're Gonna Wish You Were Me
Guess what groovy blogger chick will be going to the exciting, happening city of Cleveland, Ohio next week?
Yeah, that's right. Me.
I know what you're thinking, "Cleveland in January. Girl, are you crazy?!"
I know it isn't the optimal time to visit the so-called "mistake on the lake" but I had no choice in the matter. The training I need to take is there and January 24th-25th is when it is happening.
Oh, and did I tell you the best part? My flight leaves at 6:45 a.m. Thursday morning. Ooh yeah. I'll be getting up about 3:15 a.m., but in the life-is-good column, TLS is taking me to the airport and picking me up Friday night. Kudos to him! (Love, love, love that man.)
I promise to try and bring back some hilarious travel story or stories for you. In the mean time, here's the link to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
Yeah, that's right. Me.
I know what you're thinking, "Cleveland in January. Girl, are you crazy?!"
I know it isn't the optimal time to visit the so-called "mistake on the lake" but I had no choice in the matter. The training I need to take is there and January 24th-25th is when it is happening.
Oh, and did I tell you the best part? My flight leaves at 6:45 a.m. Thursday morning. Ooh yeah. I'll be getting up about 3:15 a.m., but in the life-is-good column, TLS is taking me to the airport and picking me up Friday night. Kudos to him! (Love, love, love that man.)
I promise to try and bring back some hilarious travel story or stories for you. In the mean time, here's the link to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
Monday, January 14, 2008
I'm Not Only LOL*, I'm ROTFL**
My BFF Pam (shout out) turned me on to another blog, The Sneeze. I went out there today and read this entry. Listen to the sound file of his four-year-old son opening a box of raisins Christmas morning. I am seriously keeping this link so I can listen to it everytime I'm having a bad day. (Raisins?!)
* LOL = laughing out loud
**ROTFL = rolling on the floor laughing
* LOL = laughing out loud
**ROTFL = rolling on the floor laughing
Sunday, January 13, 2008
And Over On The Sidebar...
Turn your attention, folks, to the sidebar on the left. I've added a link for a notify list. If you sign up, you'll receive an email when I update the blog. Or you can just check back at your leisure. Either way.
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