Thanksgiving As Brought To You By An Insane Person

I just got back from the grocery store where I finished the majority of my shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom and brother are joining us at our house for my first ever turkey. Yikes! Here's the thing. I really do like to cook and have people over, but I have become a real cooking purist. Not sure how it happened but there you have it. When entertaining, I make my own salsa, salad dressing, bake my bread from scratch and generally make things as difficult as possible for myself. It's a pain in the patootie, but somehow it seems like cheating to do it any other way. (I by no means want to imply that I hold anyone else to this standard--hell, I'm always thrilled if anyone else cooks for me. Whatever it is. Really.)

I think this comes from being a perfectionist. (Being a perfectionist and motivationally challenged is not a good combination. Trust me on this one.) It's as if I'm competing against myself to create the most lavish, delicious, spectacular feast of all time. As one of our friends said to me during a dinner at his home where I brought a salad (complete with homemade vinaigrette and almonds I toasted) and 7-grain bread baked fresh that afternoon, "Take a pill, Over-achiever!" Sigh.

The Thanksgiving Menu at Chez Inertia
Honey-brined Turkey with gravy
Green Beans with Caramelized Shallots
Green Salad with Cranberry Vinaigrette
Gouda Mashed Potato Casserole
Sweet Potatoes with Prailine Topping
Parkerhouse Rolls
Caramel Pudding Tart with Almond Shortbread Crust

It also isn't me entertaining unless there is some inkling of an impending preparation melt-down. So many questions flying through my brain for hours on end. Is it all going to come together? Will everything taste okay? Did I neglect to buy some vitally important ingredient that is now unavailable because it is Thanksgiving Day? Generally, though, everything always works out--except for The Pork Loin Incident, which I still maintain had to do with our oven starting its inevitable decline into decrepitude and not my cooking skills.

I'm also hoping to avoid The Sweet Potato Casserole Debacle from several years ago. Picture Thanksgiving Dinner at my mom's house. Everything is done and we're getting the last of the sides out of the oven and are getting ready to dish out the food and sit down to eat. I'm pulling the sweet potato casserole out of the oven. I only have to take the Pyrex casserole dish out of the oven, pivot and put it on the kitchen island directly behind me. I didn't even have to take a step. With my trusty oven mitts on, I pick up the dish and turn. It slips out of my hands, hits the floor and shatters, flinging molten sweet potatoes all over the kitchen and my shoes. Thank goodness I wasn't barefoot. Needless to say, those yams weren't on the table after we finished wiping up vegetable puree and sweeping up slivers of glass. Ah, there's nothing like the holidays!

I'll try and post pictures of the food next Friday.