So what's been up with you?

I knew it had been a long time since my last post--mostly because I had completely forgotten my Blogger password--but had no idea it has been over a year.  Of course, there really aren't too many things that are different from June 2009. Still in grad school (with this being my last semester of course work, thank the lord), still happily married to TLS, still refusing change unless it is forced upon me.  Yup, same ol', same ol'.

That being said, I have started a new job.  What, you might ask, brought this on?  Well, the prior job had become almost unbearable. Not because of the people (who were great) but because of oppressive management and a general boredom on my part. But me being me, I didn't set out to make a change. I just sat back and let it come to me.  And, almost magically, it did.  A couple of former co-workers contacted me and said that their company was looking for an administrative person and asked if I was interested.  I initially told them that I wasn't looking to make a change because I was getting close to graduation and it wasn't in my new chosen field.  They continued to woo me and we ultimately came to realize that their administrative needs included information needs that I was pretty uniquely qualified to provide.  It has really been a win-win situation.  I guess it just goes to show that inertia does have its upsides--occasionally.

It's good to be back in the blogging world and I hope to be a much more frequent poster, which is really not a very high bar to set for myself!

Farm Livin' Is The Life For Me.. (or How to Major Market Tease Your Blog)

We've had a garden for the last few years. Or, more accurately, TLS has had a garden the last few years. He definitely puts in the backbreaking hard labor and I just reap the spoils. (Love you, honey!!) We normally put in tomatoes, jalapenos, black eyed peas, sunflowers, radishes, onions, and eggplant. This year we decided to go hog wild and plant potatoes, garlic, cucumbers, and lettuce in addition to the usuals. We've harvested the first of the "newbies" and last night had roasted potatoes and garlic along with a salad with our own lettuce, cucumber, and the first of the tomatoes. It was all dee-lish! (If I do say so myself.) I got to use one of the new cookbooks I bought a few weeks ago (Mark Bittman's How to Cook Anything -- highly recommended) for the roasted potatoes and in the words of TLS, they were "almost orgasmic". Well said, honey. Well said.

I took some pictures of the harvest and completed meal, but you'll have to wait for those.

It Was Like Night of the Living Dead Around Here

So, you might have noticed that I've been away from blogging for a while. (I didn't really realize it had been almost two months until I logged in this morning. Sorry!) School really kicked my boot-ay this semester. I ended up taking two classes that were extremely assignment heavy. Like weekly reading/writing/project-y type assignment heavy. At one point I described my experience as living in a zombie horror movie. In one of those movies, the plucky survivors have to mow down waves of zombies coming to eat their braaaaains. Once they kill the first wave, there is another right behind the first, and so on. That's what the assignments were like. I'd do the reading summaries, exercises, information hunts, and other assorted projects due for the week and then have to turn around and have to immediately start the next week's. It was not much fun. I'm 95% done for the semester, though. (That extra 5% is due to taking an incomplete in one class. Doing that was like admitting failure. "Yes, Ms. Extremely Understanding Instructor, something has got to give.") I have one more project to complete to be totally done. I calculated my grade and I only have to make a 58 to make an A and an 8 to make a B, so I think I'll be alright.

It Isn't Nobel Prize Winning Stuff, But It Did Make Me Feel Good

The caveat to this story is that I know my (teeny, tiny) good deed isn't on par with curing cancer or brokering world peace, but I did do something nice that gave me a glad heart. Oh, but now I'm writing about it so I'm not sure if that negates any of the intrinsic goodness, though.

I have a friend from childhood that I haven't seen in over twenty years that I have reconnected with on Facebook. (Have I mentioned how much I love Facebook? I know that there's no real purpose for being on there but it's just fun to be able to keep track of your friends and reconnect with people you haven't seen in a million years. Of course, I have had a few people send me friend requests that I had to look up in an annual and even though I then remembered them from junior high or high school, I can't recall having had a single conversation with them. Which leaves me to wonder if a) we really were pretty good friends and I just don't remember them (the thought of which makes me feel kind of sad and somehow ashamed) or b) I was somehow more important to them than I know (the thought of which makes me feel even sadder, somehow) or c) they are just trying to inflate their Facebook friend count. But I digress. Again. Shocker, I know.) This friend is a now a licenced personal counselor (LPC) and is in the process of getting her personal practice built up. In order to get enough hours for the LPC, she worked (and still continues to work) at the men's prison. One of the many things she does there is to take the book cart around the pod so that the guys can pick out something to read. She mentioned in her blog a couple of months ago that someone else had given her a gift card to buy books and something about that made me want to help too. Although it took me a while, I was able to put together two (smallish) boxes of books and a couple of gift cards and shipped them off. This action, which really only cost me a half hour or so of time and a little bit of money, made me feel like I was spreading around a little bit of my good fortune. Good karma brought to me by Facebook, who'd a thunk it?

Why I Think Turning 40 Rocks

1. I got some major birthday love from my friends and family. Right back at you, guys!

2. I got the majorly awesomely cool Kindle e-reader for my birthday. I can download 1,000 books into one paperback sized machine. I'm like a kid in a candy store. Seriously. It is the greatest present since last year's iPod Touch.

3. I am healthy, happy, and loved. [Furiously knocking on wood so as not to invoke any hubris]

Well, that's the top 3 reasons, anyway. Don't want to get too introspective and soppily emotional...

Ode to Bluebonnets

I saw my first bluebonnets of the season this week and it again warmed the cockles of my little Texan heart to see them. I was moved to write a haiku to commemorate the occasion. Here goes:

Bluebonnets

jaunty bluebonnets

vivid blue and starkest white

roadside happiness

Here's my bluebonnet post from last year in case anyone wants to brush up on my bluebonnet-loving ways.

File This Under: Things That Are Interesting Only To Me

I read an interesting fact about the sleep patterns of giraffes (I KNOW. I'm *such* a nerd.) on Wednesday. (Are you ready for me to share the interesting fact? Well, I'm going to tease you just a bit longer.) Then on Friday, my Discover Magazine arrived and it had the same fact in it. I've never heard this in (almost) forty years and then, POW, twice in one week. I think there should be an official name for this phenomenon, maybe something like Factoid Synchronicity.

Oh! The fact: Giraffes only sleep for an average of 1.9 hours a day. (Look in the table at the bottom of this article for corroboration.) I guess they spend the other 22.1 hours of the day loping around the savannah and trying not to get eaten.

What-Ifs and Whys

I must have woken up in a very philosophical frame of mind this morning because this was the first real conversation of the day with TLS.

Scene: TLS is in the kitchen making sure he has everything he needs before he heads out to run errands.

Me: (Walking in the kitchen, still in jammies. Smiling.)
TLS: Why are you so happy this morning? (Pause) Just happy to be alive?
Me: (hugging TLS) Just happy that you're here.
TLS: Where else would I be?
Me: I meant that in more of a what-if-we-hadn't-met kind of way.
TLS: Oh. That's a weird thought. Where would we be?
Me: It is weird. You'd probably be here...
TLS: (interrupting) In [our town]?
Me: Yes.
TLS: (laughing) Nah, I'd probably be in [names of high end suburbs] living with my doctor wife, playing golf every day.
Me: (also laughing) You wish!

It made me think that we never really know what kind of differences that the consequences of our choices make. What if I had married the jerky Air Force ex-boyfriend? What if I had gone to library school earlier? What if TLS had finished college earlier? It all makes my head spin a little bit, but I have to say that I'm glad things happened the way they did. I have a hard time believing that I could be any happier than I am right now.

Sitting and Watching the Cursor Blink

Look, I know I haven't been the best blogger of late. And I hate to trot out the old "I don't have anything to say" excuse. Been there. Done that. And how interesting is that for the blog reading public? Not very, I'd have to say.

I came out to Blogger.com today determined to write an entry and I must have sat watching the cursor blink for about five minutes. Literally. I was desperately waiting for the arrival of the blogging muse, but she must be keeping different hours and routes, 'cause I got nothin'.

In the spirit of giving it the old college try, here's all I could come up with. Enjoy.

Spring is starting to make itself known. The trees are just starting to bud out and we've planted some vegetable seeds in the little seed terrariums to be transplanted when the danger of the last freeze has finally passed. (The radishes have already sprouted and I can almost taste their zippy tang.) I'm betting that another month or so will bring another one of my bluebonnet posts. Maybe if you're lucky I'll feel led to write a bluebonnet haiku. (Try and keep yourselves under control!)

One Way to Know That You're Turning 40

The only piece of real mail that came yesterday was my notification that it is time to schedule my first screening mammogram. Yippee.

In other unrelated news: work is a pain, school is a pain, but I'm surviving. Hopefully, more witty things to report soon.

Heroes, Librarians & Class

This article regarding the pilot, Sully Sullenberger, who flew the plane that crashed into the Hudson river a few weeks ago, made me (as a librarian in training) very, very happy.

I Could Go for a Xanax About Now

A few years back I had what I would delicately call (after coughing behind my hand) a female problem. No one really wants all the gory details but what it came down to was experiencing a lot of pain in an area of the body that about 99.99999% of the time you don't even think about having. My doctor could diagnose the problem as generic "inflammation" but wasn't able to pinpoint the cause...or alternately, provide much in the way of treatment options. As you might imagine, this made me more than a little cranky and depressed. I sought the counsel of a wonderful psychiatrist who tried prescribing an antidepressant, but as I am extremely sensitive to prescription drugs (and probably the illicit ones too, but as we've established previously, I've never done any of those before) I wasn't able to continue taking the Zoloft she prescribed. As a result, she gave me a prescription for the anti-anxiety medication, Xanax, with a stern warning that it would not be given long-term due to its propensity for addiction and abuse. And after taking it, I could understand why. I used to take a half of the smallest dose (1 mg as I remember, but it's been a few years so I could be wrong about that) and that was enough to spread a warm feeling throughout my whole body. Oh sure, my problems were all still there, but I just didn't care. It was a delicious feeling, but I was smart enough to use it only on the most dire days--when I was having a hard time of it--holding myself together with duct tape and baling wire, which seems to be an extremely Texan saying. Long story short, I was able (through help from my mom and mother-in-law) to find a holistic treatment that made me pain free (Hooray!) and I didn't need to use the Xanax anymore.

I could definitely be talked into using my little friend "Xan" for the last month or so, though. My company experienced some layoffs in January that directly influenced my workload (and not in a good way). Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have a job in today's economy, but added to my schoolwork this semester I seem to want to escape to "Xan" island. Things have been better in the last couple weeks but anxiety seems to be my constant companion these days. Sigh.

Back In The Saddle Again

Spring semester has officially arrived, peeps. I started my web-based class last night, which included beginning the readings I have to do before next Tuesday (four book chapters with eight journal articles to use to create a 400-500 word reaction paper). Tonight is the first in-class section. Should be a hoot. Wish me luck.

Just When Your Faith In Humanity Was Just About Shot...

I have to admit upfront that I am a crier. Movies, TV shows, books, commercials even. Doesn't matter the format, I've cried tears of sorrow, happiness or sentimentality more times than I care to admit. I did it again this morning when I read this article. Since I'm at one end of the spectrum, I can't guarantee that you'll all have the same reaction, but I'd be willing to bet that at the very least you'll "get something in your eye" as TLS likes to say.

(Hat tip to my cousin, Brittany, for the link.)

Haiku Anyone?

In my very younger days, I used to write poetry. They were very earnest poems, full of angsty teenage feelings. I'm pretty sure that I threw them all away at some point and probably rightly so. I have a feeling that they would be almost painful to read from my (much) older and (much) wiser vantage point. That being said, however, I do still like to put pencil to paper for something creative.

I was driving home one day last week just as the sun was setting. The sky was a beautiful orange color and there was the barest hint of a cresent moon right next to the planet Jupiter. It was so gorgeous that I was moved to write the following haiku*. Enjoy!

Winter Evening
Lovely orange sky
Crescent moon, planet glowing
Dusk is falling fast

*A short poem in the Japanese style consisting of 17 syllables broken into three lines with five, seven, and five syllables, respectively.

One Of Those Lists That No One Wants To Read

The author of one of the blogs I read religiously posted her answers to these questions. I am always open to "borrowing" good ideas so, despite no one asking for them, here are mine:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Flew in a glider (and actually flew it for about 10 minutes) in front of the Tetons. It was super awesomely fantastically wonderful. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Let's see. As I recall, my resolution last year was to stay away from vodka. I believe that I kept it fairly well. I'm not big on the new year's resolutions, so I'd have to say that I don't have any for 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. My friend Amy O. had an adorable little boy, Trey.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?
Does Idaho count?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Can't think of a thing. Well, aside from world peace. Oh, and a pony.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I've got nothing for this one. Just as 2008 didn't have any reeeealy bad things, there weren't any "stop the presses this is awesome" ones either.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting up off my duff and actually starting grad school.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Keeping my crankiness in check.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Unless you count the dreaded 21 day cold from November/December, nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Okay, I didn't buy it, but it has to be my iPod Touch. Awesome! (Thanks, TLS.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Drawing a blank on this one. Can't even come up with something amusing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
See answer #12.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Hmm. Mortgage, car payment, electric bill, gasoline. Okay, this answer is depressing me. Moving on...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Making an "A" in SLIS 5200 (Introduction to the Organization of Information a.k.a. The A**-Kicker)

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
For sheer numbers of radio plays, Flo Rida "Low" (And how sad is it that an almost forty year old lists a hip-hop song for this question. Think young, think young, think young.)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Same
b) thinner or fatter? Same
c) richer or poorer? Same, apparently, I'm nothing if not consistent

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Reading, travelling, catching up with friends

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Homework. Ugh.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve with the in-laws and Christmas Day with my mother and brother

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope. Just happy to still be in love with the darling TLS. (And glad that the feeling is mutual.)

22. What was your favorite TV program?
(Tie) Pushing Daisies and Life

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is such a strong word. Let me think. ... Still thinking. ... Nope, no added hatred.

24. What was the best book you read?
Oy! This is a hard one. Must be Then We Came To The End by Joshua Ferris. It was well-written, funny and poignant. Recommended.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Has to be last.fm You can listen to music and create your own "radio station" by typing in a favorite artist name and they will stream songs from similar artists.

26. What did you want and get?
A 4.0 for my first semester of grad school

27. What did you want and not get?
Can't think of anything. I must be lucky that way.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Well, technically this was from late 2007, but I'm going to have to say Lars and the Real Girl. If you haven't seen it, give it a try. It has a fairly wacky concept (lonely, alienated, eccentric guy buys a life-size doll and pretends that she's real and the whole town plays along) but it had more true heart that most of the traditional relationship movies I've ever seen.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a small surprise party with some friends put together by TLS. I was the dreaded 39.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery. Yeah, that's about it.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Just glad the clothes still fit.

32. What kept you sane?
My friends and TLS

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Daniel Craig ain't too hard on the eyes.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election is finally over.

35. Who did you miss?
My grandma.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
My school BFF Mary. She kept me sane during SLIS 5200.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
You can do anything you put your mind to. (Dorky and not very original, I know, but it's all I've got.)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
In the "getting motivated" column, from the song, Believe by The Bravery
Waiting for our ship to come but our ship's not coming back
We do have time like pennies in a jar
What are we saving for?

All Is Quiet On New Years Day...

New Years Day checklist:

The Making and eating of my spicy black eyed pea recipe? CHECK.

Putting up the new Christmas card photos on the fridge? CHECK.

Happy New Year! May 2009 be even better than 2008.

New Subscription List

I heard from several people that the NotifyList link was not working properly, so now I am using Feedburner. There is a new widget off to the right to sign up for notification emails when I post new content. Give it a try; I think this one will work better. Fingers crossed!

Auld Lang Syne

So we've arrived at the last day of 2008. It is amazing to me how quickly time passes anymore. I remember being a kid, when the only things you really looked forward to were your birthday, the last day of school and Christmas and how it seemed like it took F - O - R - E - V - E - R for each of them to get here. Now it seems as if I blink and another year has passed. Birthday? POW! Anniversary? POW! Christmas? Again?! Really? POW, POW, POW!

I was musing about life in general the other day. I have never been one to have an actual five (or ten or even one) year plan for my life. I cringe when I have to answer those types of questions during job interviews. I usually end up saying something along the lines of, "I don't have a specific job or position that I envision, but I do want to be doing something that I enjoy and find challenging and exciting." Which, while it is a cop-out of sorts, is true. I have a couple of hard-charging friends from college that actually did have the next five years of their lives planned out at age 18. I admire their drive and ambition, but could never really see myself with the proverbial clipboard and ruler planning out every possible permuation. Come to think of it, though, this particular foible of my personality does seem to be a little out of character. As I believe we've established in the last year or so, I am an anal retentive, control freak but something about the "life" situation makes me just want to float along reactively taking things as they come. Ah, what a complicated lass I am! Apparently, it's all part of my particular charm.

Twenty years ago, the only things I pictured myself being were a wife and mother. I managed to achieve the former but not the latter and while there are days that I mourn the "me" that could have been, on the whole, I am probably happier than if I had had children. I've come to know myself well after some time in therapy and much soul-searching and though I could have been what we call in Texas a "fair to middlin'" parent, I would have struggled daily with my limitations. Many mothers would be perfectly fine being the proverbial "C" student of parenting. "Better than most" could be the rallying cry of great hordes of people and, really, since perfection in the raising of children is a quixotic goal, they are probably the healthiest of us all. But none of that is my style. Call it personality or genetics or personal idiom but only the loftiest of goals is good enough for me and when I cannot live up to them, mounting frustration often gets the best of me. My mother tells a story about me as a very young child that I find summarizes that characteristic of mine better than I ever could myself. When I started to talk, I started saying words. (I believe that car was the first one I said.) I was making the transition from babbling to words beautifully and then I just stopped altogether. Dead in my tracks. Nary a word was coming from my mouth. Mom was starting to really become alarmed and then I suddenly busted out with a complete sentence. She said that it was as if I knew that sentences were the next step and that I wasn't going to talk anymore until I could say them. Perfectly. And she truly suspected that I was practicing in my crib by myself so that I could unveil the first sentence in a dramatic fashion. Fast forward a year or so later when I was learning my ABCs. I would get somewhere around the dreaded L-M-N section and would lose my place. Instead of calmly starting over again, I would suffer a world-class meltdown with full on crying and carrying on and probably even some flinging of myself to the floor. And, yes, I am thirty (mumble, mumble) years older and have better control of my emotions but I still find that lack of perfection causes frustration which often threatens to boil over into anger. And I truly believe that the years of daily mounting frustration of parenthood would have turned me into a horrible, shrieking shrew.

I guess that somewhere in this end-of-year post, I fell into the justification for why we didn't pursue egg donation or adoption after our failed fertility treatments. I know that my dear, sweet friends and relatives will chime in with the "you'd be a GREAT parent" and "nobody's perfect" and "everyone thinks they are a worse parent than they really are" statements. And while they are all probably true, it wouldn't be the act of not being perfect, it would be my reaction to it that would potentially drive me over the bend. Self awareness is a beautiful thing when you're able to act on it.

And now in the worse segue of time, may you all have a happy, healthy, and safe New Year. I promise to be back to my normal, inane postings very, very soon.

Let Me (Re)Introduce Myself

Hi! I'm Inertia Girl. Nice to meet you.

You may be unaware of my horrible inertia problem -- which usually manifests itself by lack of blog posting. I seem to have been suffering from a severe case of it lately. As I've said before, I often go through phases of not having much to say and the information I do have doesn't seem to be particularly blog-worthy. (I imagine myself writing about it and then I think...does anyone really want to read this dreck?...and then I just keep on not writing anything.) Well, I don't think I've convinced myself that what I have to say is worthwhile, but I did finally decide that it's silly to have a blog and not post anything. So, here goes:

Got my official grades back and I pulled off the 4.0. Eight hours of A's, baby. I'm stoked that the whole school thing is off to a good start. Of course, this means that I'm now committed to grade perfection. No pressure there. Oh no.

I have been feeling neither "holly" nor "jolly" these days. This post gives you my general feeling about Christmas, but I seem to be particularly grinch-y this year. I'm really not sure why. Maybe it was the crush of schoolwork in early December that threw off my whole schedule. I have made absolutely no attempt to get the Christmas letter done this year. Maybe I'll shoot for a New Year's letter. (Hmmm. That has potential.) Today, I made the statement, "I wish they would just call off Christmas this year" one too many times, apparently, as TLS told me to knock it off. He pointed out that the odds of such a thing happening were infinitely small to infintesimal so I'd better just make my peace. Alrighty then. Consider my peace made.

The bright spots in my week were finding out that while a chunk of enamel fell off one of my teeth, that I didn't need any extensive (read: expensive) dental work. Score! I also got the pathology report back from a thyroid biopsy and it was benign. I'll take that as my Christmas present this year.

Merry Christmas to all!